Gentle Reminders for Co-Dependents: Daily Affirmations (Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself)

September 7th, 201132 Commentsadmin

Mitzi Chandler takes the co-dependent and adult child through the year with each day bringing a new quotation to ponder, a message of hope and a positive affirmation to carry you through the day. This book is for those in recovery who seek to enjoy the miracle each day brings.

Gentle Reminders for Co-Dependents: Daily Affirmations

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Beattie was a struggling single parent of two children and freelance author and journalist cranking out stories for a small-town daily newspaper in 1986 when she came up with a book idea. She wanted to write a book about what happens to people when they love someone who is addicted to alcohol and other drugs.”There were many books out there about how to help an addict or alcoholic. Nobody was talking about how an addict impacts the lives of the people around him or her, and how crazy you can become when you love someone who is addicted,” Beattie said. “Even though I was sober, I didn’t know how crazy I could get until it happened to me.” Twenty publishers turned down Beattie’s book proposal. “It’s a good idea, but we don’t think there’s that many codependents out there,” they wrote back.Hazelden, however, a treatment center and recovery publisher based in Minnesota, saw a need for the book. The publisher understood how families of alcoholics suffer and believed Beattie’s book idea would help people. Beattie marched to the welfare department, asked for enough financial help to make it through the three months it would take her to write the book, then locked herself in a basement office and cranked out Codependent No More. Codependent No More has now sold 3.5 million copies. Beattie has since written nine more books, five for major publishing houses on the east and west coasts. She relocated from Minnesota to California, and she has long-since paid back the welfare department. Beattie has appeared in the pages of Newsweek and People and has been a regular guest on Geraldo and Oprah. Playing It By Heart is Beattie’s first original book for Hazelden since 1990; the book is a return to her recovery roots that first brought her national recognition.

Paperback: 264 pages
Publisher: Hazelden Publishing; 2nd edition
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0894864025
ISBN-13: 978-0894864025
Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.4 x 0.7 inches
Shipping Weight: 8 ounces

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

Self-Help

32 Comments

  1. J Jones says:

    Instead of spending hours of your time, expressing how anxious and depressed I was, and for so many years, I’d share a few things that might tell my story of recovery in a more concise mode.

    I had everything but had nothing. I had been Senior Class President, Top 2% in the Country during College, successful in modeling and acting, selected as Volunteer of the Year for the State of Iowa and the list of “stuff” could go on an on. I was so empty inside myself that I didn’t any longer know how I felt inside. I was losing any sense of who I was.

    I’d become someone that functioned to serve, protect, nurture, encourage, forgive and love someone that couldn’t love back. I was with the same person, in a marriage, for almost 5 years, and woke up one morning and realized that the person next to me was a stranger who didn’t know the real me. The person that my life revolved around, the person that I chose to take care of and “cover” for, just liked having me around so I could pick up the pieces and paint a picture of a relationship and a family that was like “Ozzie and Harriet” so that others would think that everything was just fine. I can’t stand the word “fine” anymore. Nothing in my life was fine and it wasn’t until I hit bottom and read “Codependent No More:How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself”, that my life began to change. The book answered all of my questions and caused me to look deeply at myself and my situation and evalute how sick I was. Yes, I was the sick one in the relationship too.

    I thought that I was doing everything right or doing what was right for my relationship. But I didn’t ever consider that my own personal cup was empty and the only person who could fill it with healthy things was me. I didn’t know that I was controlling others as I only saw myself as a caring and loving person. What had happened is that I went overboard-WAY overboard to the point that I had stopped eating, started using pills to medicate my pain and refused to make changes in my life.

    I was scared. I didn’t want to be alone in life. What I didn’t realize is that I was already alone. I wanted to love and be loved. After reading this incredible book, I realized that I wasn’t being loved. I was being used and abused and I needed to hit this emotional bottom before I would accept help. My therapist advised me to purchase “Codependent No More”, by Melody Beattie AND to read it. I almost felt odd going into the self-help are of the book store. Little did I know that the healthiest place in any book store is the aisle that reads “Self Help”!

    I owe my life to this book and I thank all of the wonderful people who contributed to the stories in this book, that allowed me to move out of my relationship and to enter a long recovery period. I am still in the care of a therapist. Sometimes I act in a codependent fashion. The difference, however, is that I now see red flags that prevent me from getting too deep into relationships that I reach a point where I lose myself.

    I offer this review to you as a gift. May this book help you, no matter what your circumstance, and may you take hold of your life again. You deserve to learn how to care for yourself. You deserve to be loved and to learn how to accept the beauty that comes with a healthy relationship.

    My Warmest Regards to ALL!

    Peter Cannice
    Scottsdale, Arizona
    Email: Horsepete@aol.com

  2. Bob Walsh says:

    This is a great book and gives you a daily reading that is a good way to start out your day

  3. Jack Reynolds says:

    This book was recommended by a female friend that I was dating. She had been married and divorced twice. I don’t fit the pattern of codependent, but the book provided tremendous insight into those who have been married to alcoholics, and others with various self inflicted problems, and what they needed to do to take charge of their own lives and not try to control the lives of those who weren’t willing to solve their own problems. It was worth the time it took to read it.

  4. Nishan Wilde says:

    I read this book to help me to understand why I could not seem to fully separate myself from an extremely dysfunctional relationship that I had been in for almost 8 years. While Melody frequently uses alcoholics and drug addicts as her examples of co-dependents, that was not the case for me. I was in a relationship with a person that was/is clinically depressed (and not doing anything about it) and who would take their anger out on me. Our home life revolved around how he was feeling from day to day, as it does also with alcoholics. This book helped me realize how I had ended up essentially taking care of a grown man because he didn’t want to do it himself. There were lots of other problems with the relathionship, but the main thing is after reading this book I finally woke up. I can honestly say that I have been able to detach from that person (not an easy task) and my life has been so much better for it. This new knowledge has also helped my other relationships with friends and family. I am learning how not to get over-involved and feel a need to ‘fix’ someone else’s problems that they have created for themselves. This book definitely has set me on the right path and I hope to be able to continue to look out for ME.

  5. Reuben Hopkins says:

    I read a review on here that said calling codependency “a progressive disease which can eventually lead to death is absolutely ludicrous, sky-high rhetoric.” I am glad this reviewer has never felt the overwhelming depression and despair of codependency that can lead to thoughts of suicide but I am here to tell you that I have felt it and this book did save my life. Fortunately, I read it at a time when I needed it most. For anyone to say that you just need to “get a life” or grow up, they are obviously not people who need this book.

    If you feel that you are constantly going in circles trying to please everyone in your life, this is the book for you. If you feel that you are not “good enough” to be around other people, this book is for you. Even if you are not surrounded by chemically-dependent people you can still be codependent.

    I read this book for the first time about 12 years ago. I have bought and given away many copies and don’t even own my own copy at this point. Getting past being a people-pleaser does not make you nasty or selfish or an egomaniac. Instead it allows you to give of yourself fully to those things that YOU want to give fully to. You learn to say yes to what you really want to do instead of being a doormat who can never say no because it just isn’t nice.

    Read this book for yourself. Please don’t let the naysayers persuade you against this book. You don’t have to be a fan of 12-step programs to read this book. I tried that route and it did not work for me but this book did. Good luck to everyone becoming the person you were meant to be!

  6. Carter Sinclair says:

    My therapist recommended this book because she thought it would help me. It’s not the fault of the book but it just wasn’t a match for my needs. Although there was some good information about identifying the behaviors of a codependent, the book leaned heavily toward codependency in relationships with alcoholics and other substance abusers. The author seemed to spend a lot of time identifying behaviors and telling you why you need to let them go. There were writing exercises at the end of each chapter but I’ve done all these types of exercises before to no avail. Then the book steered toward the 12-step program used by AA, which might be extremely helpful for most but doesn’t jive with the fact that I am an atheist. The concept of not taking personal responsibility and putting it off on a higher power just conflicts with my belief system. For those of you who are deeply spiritual, it is probably a wonderful resource for dealing with codependent relationships. For me, not so much a love connection. Still looking for straightforward (non-faith based) exercises for how to heal the scars of many years of emotional abuse. Any suggestions?

  7. Liam McCauley says:

    This is the best book I’ve ever read about letting go of unhealthy attachments to people and the pain associated with it. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever loved an addictive person, an abusive person, or lived in a family with dysfunctional behavior. To me, the best lessons explained in this book are “you cannot change other people – they will only change when they are ready” and “detaching from an unhealthy situation doesn’t mean detaching from the love you feel for a person, it means setting yourself free from the pain of your involvement with them.”

  8. Dinesh Kharakiya says:

    This is the book that started it all. I know it is cliché but, this book has changed my life and my thinking…

    I was talking to my father on the phone one day and I was explaining to him how I have no problem exercising and eating right when Otty is gone but I can’t seem to keep it up when he is home. My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was called…he told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent No More. I pretty much ran out right away and purchased the book.

    Now, I have never been a big advocate for self-improvement books, but I have to say that this book was very enlightening. Co-dependency has a different definition for everyone. This book made me delve into my own retched thoughts and confront them head on.

    This book made me realize that I have a voice and an opinion and both matter just as much as the next person. I realized that I can make decisions and not have to worry if my opinion is what other people may think or want. My opinion is exactly that…my opinion. It is okay to have an opinion that is different than someone else’s.

    I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harm…emotionally, physically, doesn’t matter…

    Though I may not struggle with an abusive alcoholic, I still struggle with the internal doubts and feelings of self worthlessness. I have learned that I do not need to immerse myself so deeply in someone else’s life that I lose myself. I can keep my individuality while sharing my life with another. If we have conflicting views…that’s alright.

    When I first read this book, I figure that I would not post my feelings about it because they were too personal. However, now having some distance from the book and being able to employ the lessons I have learned, I am able to share myself with others.

    I am not perfect and it is absolutely acceptable for me to let other people know this. Maybe, by sharing these thoughts, someone else might be inspired to read this book and better themselves as well.

  9. Amit Bhalla says:

    It took about ten pages before I started recognizing myself in the portrait of the co-dependent. Then–Eureka!

    Melody writes from the perspective of someone who’s been there as a chemical abuser, as an enabler of other abusers, and as a therapist. Most sections are well-written enough to rise above a slant towards either gender. I have to admit I felt embarrassed ordering this book. Had a male therapist not strongly recommended it after I went to him feeling overwhelmed by my own situation I would have continued to dismiss this and other “recovery” literature as fodder for Oprah and stereotypical hen-parties. However, I quickly realized through reading this book (once I found a nice dark corner) that co-dependency is a real phenomenon for both men and women. As the non-alcoholic in the relationship a man might have not done anything to “deserve” what he’s suffering at the hands of his tormentor (and himself), but nonetheless it has an inevitable and lasting effect. This book can get him started towards admitting the problem so he can address it and perhaps start to rise beyond the anger, confusion, self-doubt, resentment and negativity to a happier place. This is what they call “recovery”.

    My only criticism of the book is how it starts looking cobbled-together towards the end. It seems some content was shoved in to get it to the 200-page level to justify more shelf space or a higher price tag. It would be well worth the $11 as a 50-page pamphlet. A “patty” this good doesn’t need filler.

    So even if you’re a Joe Six-Pack meat-and-potatoes type of guy, give this book a try if a loved one has a alcohol or drug problem. Chances are that over time their problem has become yours in more ways than you might think.

  10. George Lennard says:

    This book is about living your own life instead of living your life for your significant other. It is a wonderful book. It changed my life. I would also highly recommend the book An Encounter With A Prophet which helped me become more reliant on God.

  11. Jerry Halsey says:

    I first came across this book as a recommendation (from a psychologist, no less) as to how to deal with an abusive relationship I was involved in. Like some of the other reviewers, it was painful at first to see myself described in the book. But it helped me to understand why I was attracted to addictive personalities, what attracted them to me, and how to eventually break the cycle. I certainly won’t say that all of your problems will be solved with this book, but it is a step in the right direction. It certainly worked for me.

  12. Ngo Vinet says:

    This book helped me to see the side of myself that gets hooked into situations that are unhealthy for me, and my reactions to it. I felt like Melody is a friend who tells you the truth without her ego getting in the way. This is one of the books I go to to when I’m checking out that I am on the right path and that I’m not crazy. Her writing is simple and to the point without alot of fancy language that makes an already insecure person feel better able to grab the message. Face it, if you are reading this book, your mind and emotions are probably in turmoil, and kindness is the key to recovery from what’s eating you. This is one of my books I no longer loan out, because people don’t return them!

  13. Michael Affleck says:

    This book has been a useful tool in my life. Living with an alcoholic and knowing many, it has given me many helpful suggestions. I learned that I am only responsible for myself and I cannot change anyone else. I had to learn to feel good about myself and not look to another to do that for me. I thought I was a victim but then learned that there are no happy victims and I want and deserve to be happy.
    I now have many healthy relationships and have a lot of fun in my life. Along with Melody Beattie’s books, I have found other authors that I absolutely love because they too are about living in the moment and having a magical life. The two books are “Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work” and “How to Create a Magical Relationship” by Ariel and Shya Kane.
    Go for your life, fill yourself up with what feels good to you and be true to yourself, if I can do it, so can you.

  14. Bryan Leonard says:

    If you are looking for a classic on codependence that is easy to read, than order this. You will not be disappointed.

  15. Joshua D B says:

    I finally received the book in the mail. It could have had better packaging; i.e. not in such a loose bag. The book is fine but it took a long time to get to me and was after the promised time period.

  16. Colleen Mihelich says:

    To me, it is a 5-star item. It allowed me to face my own problems which were contributing to my marriage problems. Once I lost the fear of losing my husband, learned to defend my interests, our marriage improved. I feel that now he has more respect for me, more trust in me. Amazingly, when I stood up for myself and thought it will end my marriage, he actually communicated his concerns, and we worked things out. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a full time job, but now I have the qualifications for the ‘position’.
    The book also helped me defend myself and other co-workers at my work place, and I have won every battle with my boss and earned the respect of my co-workers.
    The book allowed me to lose fear over a divorce, getting fired, or getting dishonored by my family who disagree with some of my choices. I am an honest, loyal person who has a lot to offer, and I deserve to be loved and respected. After applying the techniques from the book, I gained the love and respect of others, which convinced me that my principles are right, and standing up for the higher good was well worth the fight.

  17. Christopher Harris says:

    I am counselor. I specialize in trauma and I am a survivor of trauma. This contributed to my co dependency. The first time I read this book, I could only read a few pages before I threw it across the room. You have to be ready to confront your issues and ready to heal before you read this book. I now share this book with my clients.

  18. Ashley Lichty says:

    Finding myself a soon to be divorced woman and mother of four, I entered counseling and after one session, this book was recommended to me. It truly changed my life. I returned to school, became a registered nurse and turned my life around. That was 6+ years ago; my children are learning healthy lifetime behaviours that I didn’t have available from my family; and sad to say, my ex-husband is still as lost as ever. This book changed my life and I have bought and given away more than 2 cases to others. Thank you, Melody, for your insight and direction. Its there for the taking, if you only open yourself to change.

  19. Jillian Avery says:

    This book is good for people who find themselves depressed and needing some insight on why they feel the way they do. After reading this book the other book by Melody Beattie “Beyond Codepedency” will help you fix the codependent problem. These books will help anyone who is dealing with an alcoholic relationship or any other dependent relationship. If you find yourself caretaking all the time, ie: thinking or feeling responsible for other people, feel it is your responsiblity to help other people solve their problems, feel needy people are always attracted to you, and feeling unappreciated or used; or you have weak boundaries with the people in your life; you have dependency issues; poor communication; and low self-worth- you are codependent. I didn’t think I was, but this book laied my life out perfectly. If you are feeling crazy for the way you are feeling read this book and you will understand why you are feeling the way you are. It is normal it is just you are a codependent person and you need to fix that.

  20. Debbie Ray says:

    This book was recommended to me by a friend, and I find it to be very uplifting and inspiring. There’s a different passage for everyday of the year; there’s also a different quote every day… This book is very motivating and I look forward to reading it each day. I recommend this book for anyone, not just if you are a co-dependent.

  21. Dennis Paguio says:

    This is a fantastic book if your just going through the issues involved with someone who is dependent on drugs or alcohol. If you have been living with it for awhile and you have already experienced all the problems that go along with it. I will say it is good as far as confirming your feelings and what you have already done to take care of yourself. It is not very useful when you’ve already began the process of detatchment. I would recommend this book to anyone that is just descovering this problem. I just wish someone had mentioned this to me a couple of years ago. It would have been very useful then.

  22. Karen Lincoln says:

    This little daily reminder book is pleasant and very helpful! While reading a little portion every day it sets a theme to think about and encourages some insight, a little step towards a more independent personality at a time. It is written in a very insightful and respectful way. I think that anybody would enjoy this and not just people who face their co-dependency. I talk about one sample page entry in my blog on June 8th 2010:
    [...]

  23. Jack Reynolds says:

    I purchased Codependent No More after someone suggested it to me because she was aware that I was in a place in my life where I was/am looking to make some changes.

    I have received some very wonderful messages and helpful insights as to why I have certain habits and behavior. However, I am not the spouse, daughter or any relation to an alcholic or drug user. The reason I say this is because I almost didn’t continue to listen pass the first cd because that is who the book seemed to be geared towards.

    I understand that the book is intended for people who “suffer” from and with codependency however the word alcholic must be mentioned at least 1,000 times. It really began to wear on me, I felt as if the book should have been “Codependent to/with an Alcoholic No More.”

    It was a test of my patients and tolerance to continue listening because I was trusting that God’s message for me was in the book. I received it but I must admit, it was with a lot of teeth grinding.

  24. Nishan Wilde says:

    I know it is cliché but, this book has changed my life and my thinking. This book made me realize that I have a voice and an opinion and both matter just as much as the next person. I realized that I can make decisions and not have to worry if my opinion is what other people may think or want. My opinion is exactly that…my opinion. It is okay to have an opinion that is different than someone else’s. When I first read this book, I figure that I would not post my feelings about it because they were too personal. I very highly recommend this book, not just for people who live with an alcoholic, but for anyone who is trying desperately hard to fix a bad relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, your parents, and your children. With anyone you love. It’s pretty amazing for anyone who has struggled to figure out why they often care-take other people but feel guilty taking care of themselves. An eye-opening book that reveals many of the behaviors one adopts to handle living with someone with addiction problems, or as in my case, mental-health issues. I never realized the extent to which my relationship warped me, to some extent my fault for allowing it to happen, but the book also presented a lot of ways to come to an understanding of what it means to be a codependent and also ways to combat and correct behavior. This is one of the most life-changing books I’ve ever read. It has changed my life for good and I highly recommended this book to all readers.

  25. Reuben Hopkins says:

    This book saved my sanity, my relationship, maybe even my life. I was going through major upsets in my relationship due to a partner’s addiction. I was trying to “fix the world” one painful day at a time. When nothing happened except for me to lose hope, trust, faith and love, I turned to a friend for advice. She recommended this book to me. I was skeptical to try yet another DO IT YOURSELF book to fix what was wrong with me, but this one opened my eyes. For the first time ever, I saw the patterns of my actions leading me straight to heartache and frustration. The descriptions were right on target, I saw myself in every list. It was scary, yet encouraging, because I did not feel alone, nor did I feel I was too far gone to be helped. This book will be a fixture on my nightstand to get me through the weaker points in my life. Whenever I need to take a reality check and think of ME instead of that other person, I open the pages and let it heal me. Thank you, Ms. Beattie!

  26. Carter Sinclair says:

    As a student of therapy, I read this book to help a codependent client whom I was seeing in practicum. Not only did I get lots of insight into the codependent mind, but the book offers solid help to turn these counterproductive survival tactics around. I not only recognized the client, but I recognized myself and some of the unhealthy ways I interact with my partner. I will recommend this book to my client, and future clients who are trying to control the uncontrollable.

  27. Liam McCauley says:

    This book was pretty helpful in some ways. It is easy to read and it is not just for people who are in relationships with substance abusers. I think there is a lot of material in this book that could be of help to people who don’t see codependency as a problem in their life.

  28. Steve Maul says:

    14 years later, this book still proves to be a most valuable tool for finding and maintaining serenity. We read from it every other week in our 12 step mtg.

  29. Amit Bhalla says:

    Some of the readings are good, but I am looking for more guidance
    in handling a co-dependent. Thank you, Marcia Gillespie

  30. George Lennard says:

    This book provided a much needed understanding for me on how real codependency is for people around me. It has allowed me to be more patient with loved ones or at least understand where all the projected frustration and anxiety comes from over things that appear to be so unimportant to me. I also regonized that it can be very easy to fall into codependent ways and give up on believing in yourself.

  31. Jerry Halsey says:

    So far as I can tell, very few people could ever read this book without taking something positive away from it. And you don’t have to be the product of a broken home, child abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma to see how the machinery of so-called “codependency” tweaks your life; always for the worse.

    Having read other peoples’ reviews, I’m not sure where some of the negative “cult” comments and rancor come from. I recognized a lot of these behaviors in mysef and in my family, and I’m not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered upbringing. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.

    If you’re like me, you shy away from “self help” literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don’t see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.

    Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like “the bad guy” when you’re just trying to get your partner to “be good”? Has your own social circle dwindled or vanished, so that now only your partner and his/her friends are ‘your’ social group? Would you like to know why it’s so hard to get out of bed every morning, and why you spend so much time worrying about that certain person in your life, while worrying too little about yourself?

    The problem called “co-odependency” is not a catch-all, nor is it remedied over night. But I’d dare say that at least half or more of American adults–indeed adults across the entire world–struggle with some form of co-dependent-like behavior. And if you want a deeper insight into this problem, what it is, what it is not, and how it messes with your life, then read this book, and gain strength from understanding.

    Now, having said all this, and having dealt with these issues for a few years, I think I need to be honest and say that a book like this is only the FIRST STEP. Nothing replaces a good therapist or psychologist. If you feel like you really are that messed up or are “going bonkers”, please, see about getting some professional counseling. When your car is broken do you try to fix it yourself? No, most of us do not. Not even those of us who are handy with cars. The same is true for psychological and emotional disturbances. Many companies now offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) that offset or eliminate the costs of counseling. If your company has an EAP, by all means, use it!

    Barring counseling, I would HIGHLY SUGGEST another book, once you have passed through the bowels of “Codependent No More” and are ready to move beyond merely identifying your problems, and are anxious to work on SOLVING them.

    To merely gaze at one’s navel and bemoan the sorry state of one’s broken or damaged history is to remain trapped in emotional and mental amber. You’re not REALLY going to “get better” until you attack the unhealthy mental habits at the heart of the problem. Understanding the root of the trouble is just a first step, making changes for the better is what happens next, and ought to be the logical goal of EVERY person seeking relief from abnormal or extreme emotional and psychological disturbance.

    Which is why I highly, highly, highly, suggest seeking out the classic “A Guide to Rational Living” by PhD. Albert Ellis and PhD. Robert A. Harper. Whereas Beattie is good at giving a layman’s view of co-dependent problems and guiding the unkowing through a tour of co-dependent issues, where they might come from, and how they affect our lives in the present, she is not technically a TRAINED professional in mental health care. Without seeking that kind of professional-level knowledge, one is very likely to fall into the “Twelve Step Trap” wherein ‘recovery’ becomes an asymptotic hell of forever progressing towards wellness, without actually attaining wellness.

    Doctors Ellis and Harper have the goods on making changes in your life RIGHT NOW, without facing a daunting and endless program of eternal Anonymous-type meetings and couch sessions with your shrink. Refreshingly pragmatic and frank, Ellis and Harper give you a toolbox full of solid instruments to help you start dismantling that co-dependent house you’ve built for yourself (yes, I said YOU built for YOURSELF), and avoiding taking on “group” and perpetual “recovery” as just another set of addictions or ways to avoid truly attaining mental and emotional health.

    Thanks for reading. Best of luck on your journey, as I continue my own.

  32. Ngo Vinet says:

    As a counsellor with thirty years experience, I can assure you that, contrary to what at least one other reviewer has indicated, loving yourself is NOT easy for everyone. If life was that simple, counsellor’s case loads would be much lighter and the world a much happier place.

    This book is an excellent starting point and great self-help book for those who are codependent. It is not simply a matter of “starting to love yourself,” but a matter of going back through the years, generally to the formative years of childhood, and discovering why you have developed the need to be codependent. In other words, it helps to know where you came from before mapping a route to where you are going. I did find the book made considerable reference to drug and alcohol addiction. While that is a major form of codependency, it is not the only form, but others received less priority. For that reason, the book lost a star in the rating. “Codependent No More” is written in an honest, straight-forward manner; therefore, if it evokes anger or negativism in the reader, it is likely because the reader sees at least a partial reflection of themself in the book.

    Like any self-help book, the advice given only works if the individual is prepared to make long-term changes and has the commitment to work at the root of the problem. For those who are codependent to a minor degree, this book provides helpful insight on how to deal with the problem; however, if the problem is a more serious one, opting for professional counselling is likely still the best course of action. Often old habits are difficult to change on one’s own. Freeing yourself from the chains of codependency can result in newfound freedom, peace of mind and a happier, less stressful lifestyle. I do recommend this book for the valuable information it contains.